1. Don't go out.
2. Make cup of coffee, turn computer on.
3. Find a site that has lots of great gifts within your budget. Don't bother looking for Woolworths.
4. Check that the postage rate to your island isn't the same rate as for parcels to Outer Mongolia.
5. Order something for everyone. That includes yourself. Especially you. Who cares if there's nothing suitable for men on this shopping site? They'll understand that it's the thought that counts.
6. Of course everyone will love a present from Hotel Chocolat.
7. Congratulate yourself on not having to take the plastic out of your purse. And don't forget to thank Amazon for the miracle of being able to remember your credit card number off the top of your head.
8. Await parcels - ignore surly expression on Postman's face as he blames you for his hernia.
9. Open parcel, ostensibly to check all goods as per order. Try not to shout too loudly "It's Christmas!" when you come across the present to yourself.
10. Don't go out. Except to create a small cardboard and packing mountain outside for refuse men.
